


Little Things

by ellebelle



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angsty Schmoop, M/M, Sad!Louis, comforting!harry, soooo many feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-22
Updated: 2013-01-22
Packaged: 2017-11-26 12:13:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/650404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellebelle/pseuds/ellebelle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'if you could tell him anything, what would it be?'</p><p>and harry has to think about that because he'd tell louis a million things. maybe a billion. </p><p>'i'd tell him that i love him and that i wish he'd see himself the way i see him.'</p>
            </blockquote>





	Little Things

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a prompt on the kinkmeme. 
> 
> General disclaimers apply. I don't know 1D or Ed Sheeran. This is totally fictionalized. Harry and Louis aren't in some secret, clandestine relationship and Taylor's never done the walk of shame from Ed's apartment. 
> 
> If you know anybody mentioned in the story you should probably walk away. 
> 
> Also, Ed clearly wrote the song before he knew any of the boys and Harry had nothing to do with it, but it's a nice idea, no?
> 
> Basically all this is a lie. Probably.

[1]

'what're you doing?' harry is standing outside the bathroom door, pounding loudly. 'i've gotta piss, lou!'

louis is standing in front of the mirror with a compact in his hand, staring at the light freckles across his cheeks. 

'louis, let me in, damn it!'

'go away, harry.'

'if you don't open the door i'm going to pee in the kitchen sink!'

'fine.' louis sounds defeated, and that's what makes harry pause. 

'lou?'

'what?'

'what're you doing in there?'

'nothing.' 

he's honestly thought about it a million times. he's got these stupid freckles that are sprinkled across his cheeks and nose and he _hates_ them. hates the way that it's not even something he can _fix_. harry gets spots, and yeah - that's a bit embarrassing. but it's being a _teenager_ and louis used to get them, too. they go away, fade and disappear and they're gone forever. these freckles - they're there _all the time_. and now that they've all returned form australia where louis spent ages in the sun, they're darker than ever. 

and they're hideous. 

'lou, are you alright?'

' 'm fine, haz. just go away.'

'lou, what's going on? open the door, please?'

louis shakes his head, even though harry can't see him. 

'i'm fine.' he says again. 

'you don't sound fine. are you ill? let me in and i can take care of you and -'

'i'm not ill. i'm _fine_.'

'louis.' harry's whining now, twisting at the doorknob, but it's useless. louis got solidly locked. 

'i'll be out in a bit, yeah?'

it shouldn't be a big deal, really, and louis knows that. but the other boys all have pretty and flawless skin. niall is so pale and liam has those adorable birthmarks and zayn is so tan all the time. and harry - harry has huge expanses of snow white skin covered in that beautiful, dark ink, and louis would give anything for his skin to be like theirs. 

'louis, i'm going to kick the door in.'

and louis laughs at that, a bit, as he rubs the makeup over his face. he likes the way it makes everything look even, but it's still not smooth and pretty like the other boys. and he can still see the faint dots under the powder. 

'i'm not joking, lou.' there's a pause, and louis can hear harry take a deep breath, then a massive crash against the door, and the whole frame shakes, followed by a thump on the floor. 

'you idiot.' louis flings the door open and harry's in a crumpled heap on the floor. 'are you alright?'

harry looks up with wide eyes that are brimming with tears. 

'you numpty.' louis sits on the floor in the open doorway and pulls harry into his lap. it's awkward, now that harry's bigger than louis, but harry still has a way of snuggling into louis' chest and making himself _feel_ small. 

'that hurt.' harry whispers, and when louis presses a kiss to his forehead, he looks up at the older boy. 

'lou?' harry asks, brows furrowed. 

'hmm?'

'what's all over your face?'

louis blushes, then. 'hmm?'

'your face." harry reaches up and rubs at his cheeks. 'do you - do you have makeup on?'

louis shrugs an turns away from him. 

'lou, do you?'

louis nods miserably. 

harry lets out a snort of laughter, and then slaps a hand over his mouth immediately. it would be adorable if it wasn't like a punch in louis' tummy. he dumps harry back onto the floor, stands and goes to shut the door again. 

'lou, no - ' harry wedges a foot in. 

'harry, go away.' louis face is bright red, and his heart is thumping in his chest and he hates this. 

'no.' the fact of the matter is that harry _is_ bigger now, and he uses his weight to push the door open. 

louis backs away from him, staring at the corner of the room, away from harry's concerned face, until he's backed up against the glass door of the shower. 

'lou, why're you wearing makeup?'

'it's nothing.' louis scrubs at his face with his hands, so hard it hurts. 

'hey, stop that! you'll hurt yourself.' harry grabs both louis' hands in one of his and hold them down. he uses his fee hand to grab louis' chin and pull his face so he's got to look right at harry. 'what's wrong with you today?'

'i just hate them, harry.' louis bites out, still averting his gaze. 'i thought i could cover them up.'

'what?'

'the stupid freckles. obviously.' louis goes a bit limp on harry's grip, and harry's heart aches. 

'why? what's wrong with them?'

'it's just that the rest of you have perfect skin and it's so pretty and i have all these stupid freckles and they look absolutely ridiculous and i _hate_ them.' louis whispers. 

harry doesn't say anything, but sits louis on the lid of the closed toilet. 

'do you trust me?' harry asks, gently. 

'of course.' louis says, automatically. and he does, he so does, even when harry laughs at him. 

'alright, close your eyes.' 

louis does as he told, and he can hear harry rummaging around in a drawer by the sink before he turns back to louis. 

'don't move, okay?' harry leans down and presses a kiss to louis' hair. 'you'll mess me up.'

'what're you doing?'

'you'll see. trust, boo-bear.'

louis nods, and then harry's grabbing at his chin. 

'don't move.' he warns again, and then there's a soft pressure on louis' right cheek. 

it feels like harry is tracing something, and a bit like a crayon, really. he works over louis' right cheek, then his nose, and then over his left cheek. after what feels like an eternity, but is probably less than a minute, harry pulls back. 

'okay.' harry pulls him up from the toilet, and louis keeps his eyes closed. 

they move, just a bit, and louis is pretty sure they're right in front of the mirror. harry's behind him, arms wrapped tightly around his waist, chin resting on louis' shoulder. 

'you can open them, now.' harry whispers, sweetly, pressing a kiss just under louis' ear. 

louis does, and he's a bit startled for a moment, honestly. there are lines across his face, and they look almost like writing but it doesn't make any sense. it takes him a moment to realize that he's reading it backwards, distracted, as he is, by harry's sweet smile over his shoulder. 

when he finally figures it out, louis tries really, really hard not to smile, but he just can't really do it. 

there it is, plain as day - 'harry's' - written across his face. 

'it's like a sign.' harry murmurs, softly. 'i love you freckles because it's like contacting the dots. i do it when you sleep.'

louis snorts a bit at that. 

'i know it's creepy.' harry defends. 'but it's the only time i can really look at them.' 

louis nods. 

'and one day it just made sense, yeah? there it was written across your face.'

louis smiles. 

'so i know maybe you don't always like them. but maybe if you think of it as our thing? like how you wrote 'HI' on my arm? this almost like me writing on you.'

louis blushes. 

'except it's such a sign, lou? you know?'

and harry looks so hopeful, peeking over his shoulder in the mirror, that louis' heart explodes a little in his chest. he turns quickly and kisses harry fiercely. 

'it's a sign.' louis agrees, when he pulls away. 

he laughs then, at the black smudges on harry's face. 

'our sign.' harry sighs, happily. 'so you'll always know how much i love you.'

'love you, too.' louis nuzzles at his neck. 

'shower?' harry offers. 

'shower.' louis agrees. 

[2]

zayn's the one that points it out to harry, and that makes harry feel a million times worse. harry should know everything about louis, should pick up on all the little things, and it's embarrassing that zayn noticed first, that it's taken zayn pointing it out for harry to even think twice about it. 

harry's only excuse is that zayn looks into the mirror so many times, it's no wonder that he notices when louis seems to refuse to do it. 

harry laughed it off, at first, when they were getting ready for the show and zayn pulled harry aside. 

'have you been paying attention to louis lately?' zayn looks concerned, and that's not _unusual_ really, but it is a bit strange. 

harry scoffs for a moment, but then at the look zayn gives him, he shrugs. 'thought i have. have i missed something?'

'he's being weird.'

'you'll have to elaborate, i'm afraid.' harry says. 'he's always a bit weird, isn't he?'

'no, this is different.' zayn insists, pulling at his hair. 

'well what is it?' harry's a big enough man to admit that worry is clawing it's way into his tummy. 

'he's just - '

'he's what, zayn?'

'he refuses to look at himself in a mirror.'

harry's jaw drops. 

'what?'

zayn blushes. 'he won't _look_ at himself.'

'in the mirror?'

'in any reflective surface, really.' zayn shrugs. 

'for how long?'

'couple days maybe.' zayn scuffs his shoe along the floor, his tell for when he's feeling awkward. 

'how long, zayn? when did you notice?'

zayn sighs. 'maybe three weeks ago, it started? after we released the new video.' 

harry sighs, runs a hand through his hair.

'fuck. how did i miss that?'

'it's not a big deal.' zayn tried to comfort. 

'it is, though, isn't it? you'd notice if it was perrie!'

'i live in front of the mirror, though, haz.' zayn admits, blushing. 'you couldn't -'

'i _should_ have, though.' harry sighs, and walks away. 

he watches during their entire performance. it's a couple of songs for promotion, and it's not a big deal, but louis _is_ acting strange. not anything super weird, but he pulls at his clothes, a lot, and he crosses his arms awkwardly over his tummy. 

when they're finished, they all head back to the dressing room together. harry slips his hand into louis', when it's safe, and squeezes. louis looks at him with a smile, but it's not as bright as it sometimes is. 

'okay?' harry asks. 

louis just nods and butts his head softly into harry's shoulder. 

they get back into their designated dressing room, and harry strips down without thinking. the others are partly naked, too, and changing, but harry keeps his eyes on louis. he takes his clothes to the corner and angles his body away from the others, like he's hiding something. he changes quickly, and has to wiggle a bit to get his jeans buttoned properly. 

harry thinks it's sort of adorable. 

but when louis turns around and catches harry looking, his eyes go cold and he glares. harry's shocked. they _always_ look at each other. harry _loves_ looking at louis naked, the strong lines of his back and the tiny, gentle curve of his tummy. 

but louis looks genuinely angry, and harry can't remember the last time he even got to properly look at louis. when they didn't start something in the dark or under blankets. but harry thinks it's definitely been a while. 

they head home after that, back to their flat. the car ride is long and louis has situated himself in the front, with paul, leaving the extra seat in the back empty, and harry feels so lonely, even though louis' less than six meet away. 

it's even worse when they get back to the apartment. louis storms in first, doesn't listen when harry calls after him. he goes straight the spare room. they've been sharing for so long, and honestly it's _harry's _old room, anyway, but louis slams the door, hard, behind him, and harry's left confused. he doesn't get it. there's not a single thing he's done to make louis angry, except watch him change, and that's not a big deal. he _always_ does it. __

__he gives louis some time. he takes a shower, which was a terrible idea because it just gives him time to think. then he straightens up their room, tosses louis clothes into the hamper from where he's scattered them across the floor. the last thing he does is make two steaming cups of tea, makes louis' just how he likes it, weak and with a bit of milk, and then knocks lightly on the door to the spare room._ _

__louis doesn't answer, but he also doesn't say that harry _can't_ come in. so harry swings the door open, and shuffles in, kicking it closed behind him. the lights are off, and it's dark, but he can see a lump in th emiddle of the bed. _ _

__harry sets louis' mug on one bedside table, and then moves around to the other side. he sets his mug on the table, too, and then climbs in next to the lump. it's shaking, a little, trembling,_ _

__'brought you tea.' harry whispers, curling his body around louis, but staying on top of the blankets._ _

__louis doesn't move, but the trembling softens a bit._ _

__'lou, come out please.' harry murmurs. he nuzzles at the lump, where he thinks louis' shoulder is, but he's honestly not sure what part of him it is._ _

__there's a soft, noncommittal noise._ _

__'at least drink your tea before it gets cold.'_ _

__louis emerges, then, a hand, at least, and it snatches the mug off the table then pulls back under the blanket._ _

__'you can't drink your tea under the covers.' harry giggles sweetly. 'what if you spill it.'_ _

__there's another indistinguishable noise, and then louis pushes the blanket down._ _

__he still doesn't look at harry, but it's progress that his face has appeared._ _

__'wanna talk?' Harry offers, and louis shakes his head._ _

__'but you were so angry.'_ _

__louis shakes his head again._ _

__'what's going on?'_ _

__'i wasn't angry.' louis' voice is soft and rough, and harry thinks he might have been crying. maybe._ _

__'you looked pretty angry.'_ _

__louis sighs._ _

__'i wasn't angry at _you_.' louis amends. _ _

__'then talk to me, boo bear.'_ _

__'you were staring at me.' louis is quiet and uncomfortable and harry doesn't get it._ _

__'i always stare at you.'_ _

__'but you shouldn't.'_ _

__and that hurts because harry loves louis so fucking much, and why shouldn't he stare at him?_ _

__'oh.' is all harry says, but he can hear the pain in his own voice, knows that louis can hear it, too._ _

__'no, it's not you, haz, it's me.' louis is shifting, uncomfortably._ _

__'what do you mean?'_ _

__'you know. do i have to say it?'_ _

__'i have no idea what you're talking about.' harry is legitimately confused. he hates when louis gets like this._ _

__louis puts the tea back down and pulls the blanket over his head._ _

__'lou, please.' harry begs. 'talk to me.'_ _

__'it's because i've gotten fat.' louis shouts from under the blanket._ _

__and harry wants to laugh, wants to laugh so badly because that's absolutely _ridiculous_ , but he doesn't. instead he pulls the blanket back down and off louis. _ _

__'what are you talking about?' harry asks._ _

__'i've gotten fat.' louis moans, cheeks red and flushed._ _

__'you haven't.' harry argues. 'you're not fat, louis.'_ _

__'i am.' louis insists. 'i didn't notice until i watched the stupid video. and then people started talking about it on twitter.'_ _

__'about what?'_ _

__'that stupid shirt showed how fat my arms are.'_ _

__'your arms aren't fat, lou, they're muscles.'_ _

__'but not muscle like liam's.' louis shakes his head. 'they're fat. and my stomach is getting huge. and my arse is growing and my thighs and everything. i'm just getting fat.'_ _

__'but you're not.'_ _

__'i am.' louis cries, and harry can hear the desperation in his voice, and that's almost worse than anything else._ _

__harry pulls the blankets down and away from louis._ _

__'trust me.' harry whispers, nuzzling at louis' chin._ _

__louis looks doubtful, but nods._ _

__harry undresses him, helps him pull his shirt off and his trousers, until he's laying on the bed in just his pants._ _

__louis shivers a bit, it's cold, and harry lays down next to him._ _

__'i like your arms because they're perfect to hold me, even though i'm taller than you now. i like the way your fingers fit in mine and your hands are smaller, and it makes me feel like i can take care of you and protect you.' harry presses soft kisses along each of louis' fingers, and the backs of his hands. 'i like how delicate your wrists look because i know that they're not. that you use them to stroke me just right when you're wanting me off, hit the perfect angle.'_ _

__'i like the way your arms are strong enough to hold me up when you fuck me, sometimes. or the way you wrap me up when we're watching a movie, and i can rub my cheek right against the skin here…' he nuzzles against the inside of louis' bicep. 'and i love the way your muscles bulge when you carry all the groceries in because i get distracted.'_ _

__harry presses kisses along both of louis' arms, up to his collar bones._ _

__'i love your collarbones.' harry murmurs. 'the way they stand out just enough that when i'm riding you, i can reach down and hook my fingers into them. i like sucking love bites on them when we snuggle. and i love you neck, especially when can get my head tucked under your chin at just the right angle to get my cheek against your carotid because then i can feel your pulse.'_ _

__he moves up a bit, and sees that louis is blushing and his eyes are shining a bit._ _

__'i love your lips. i could kiss them for lifetimes, lou, seriously. and your nose, and your freckles and the way they spell out my name. i love when you smile and you get crinkles around your eyes, because that's your real smile. the one you save for your sisters and your mum and the boys, but especially for me.'_ _

__harry kisses each eyelid so softly louis' not even sure it actually happens._ _

__'i love your hair because it's just long enough for me to grab, but it's a lost so adorable when you wake up in the morning, all sleep mussed and you looks so adorable that it makes my chest ache.'_ _

__harry moves and kisses his ears. 'i love your ears because they're what lets us make music together and making music with you is the greatest thing i think i've ever done.'_ _

__louis smiles at that one, and turns to press a kiss to the side of harry's face._ _

__harry smiles back, and moves down louis' body a bit._ _

__'i love your chest and your nipples.' harry kisses each nipple, twice. 'i know you don't have four like i do, but yours are perfect. sensitive and pretty and mine. and i love sucking lovebites on your pecs.' he does then, sucking a bright red bite into louis' skin as an example._ _

__'i like your ribs, how they don't stick out too much, but i can still lick across them and make you go all wiggly.' harry licks at one of them. 'and i love, love your tummy. it's perfect when i can lay my head there when we lay on the sofa. it's just soft enough to be comfortable and it makes me feel safe and it's perfect.' harry presses several kisses in a row across louis' stomach before moving down. 'i love your hip bones that are such a contrast to your tummy. they're so sharp and they rem ind me that you're all boy.' he lick, tiny little kitten licks, along the 'v' of louis' hips. 'so much boy.' harry breathes._ _

__then he scoots down to his thighs. 'i adore your thighs, they're so perfect. they're all muscle, lou, and so strong. i love when i get to fuck you and you wrap them around me and pull me in tight.' he kisses at the skin on the inside._ _

__'i love your calves and the way your ankles look so delicate and i can wrap my hand around them.' he does so, as he speaks. 'sometimes i forget how small you are because your personality is so _big_ , lou, but sometimes, when someone is in between us and you throw your legs across their lap so i can touch you, i loved wrapping my fingers around your ankle and remembering just how tiny and perfect and beautiful you are. and i love when you roll your trousers up and i can see your ankles all the time.'_ _

__'and i love your feet and the stupid shoes you wear and how you don't wear any socks, even though it makes your feet smell terrible.' harry presses a kiss to each of louis' toes, before moving back up his body and flipping him over._ _

__he pauses, then, and admires the flat planes of louis' back and shoulders._ _

__'i love your back.' harry sighs, running his fingers along each tiny bump of the vertebrae. 'you can't even - you don't even know.' harry sounds almost wistful. 'the little dimples right here.' harry runs his fingers along them and louis shivers at the little tickles._ _

__'i know you don't see it, louis.' harry whispers against his skin. 'but i love you so fucking much. you're so beautiful.'_ _

__louis snuffles a bit, and harry lets him turn back over. there are tears on louis' cheeks, and he's not _crying_ , but his cheeks _are_ wet. harry sighs and lays his head across louis' chest. _ _

__'this is my favorite part, though.' he murmurs. 'in here.' he places his hand alongside his cheek. 'your heart, lou. the way it beats so steady and strong. and even if someday, decades from now, you're fat and bald -'_ _

__'oi, i'll never be bald.' louis laughs sweetly, and it's the greatest thing harry's ever heard._ _

__'i said,' harry continues. 'if decades from now ouyr fat and bald and we're poor and the world hates us, i'll still love every single part of you because your heart will still be a for me, yeah?'_ _

__louis blinks, several times to stop the tears from falling, and yeah maybe he _is_ crying now. _ _

__'yeah.' he breathes into harry's curls. 'always for you.'_ _

__[3]_ _

__harry is lying on the sofa, in the studio, with niall spread across his lap and zayn tucked into his side._ _

__they've been in the studio for ages, it's well past dinner, and harry just wants to go _home_. _ _

__the thing is, louis is still recording. he's had an off day and for the last hour - at least - working on the same four lines that he just _can't_ hit. _ _

__harry can heard the frustration growing in his voice, and the tension is just making it worse for him, but any time that harry steps toward louis, louis sends him withering looks that send him back to the sofa._ _

__liam's the only one aloud close, and he's standing by the window, watching as louis fights through them again. he's almost to the end when his voice cracks._ _

__harry jumps up when he hears it, because as soon as louis cracks the note he let's out this noise that is almost inhuman and harry _knows_ what that means. louis' on the path to a meltdown of epic proportions. _ _

__when harry stops by liam and looks in, louis' just standing there looking at the sound engineer - ethan - who is talking to him. they can't hear exactly what they're saying, but harry knows it can't be good because the sound guy is waving his hands and louis' face is closing off in that way that is so much worse than a meltdown._ _

__harry reaches for the door, but liam grabs his hand and pulls him back._ _

__'give him a moment.' liam warns. 'he'll want to fight his own battles.'_ _

__harry nods, steps back, and bounces on the balls of his feet. louis is past 'shutdown' mode, and honestly looks like he's about to break before he turns and flies out of the recording booth._ _

__'lou!' harry calls as louis rushes past them and out into the hallway. harry makes to follow, but liam grabs him again._ _

__'they want you in there.' liam points where ethan is motioning for him._ _

__harry walks into the room, crosses his arms over his chest and glares._ _

__'yes?' harry demands._ _

__'i need you to do the lines. louis can't hit them.'_ _

__harry's jaw drops. 'what?'_ _

__'we have to finish this song today. you'll have to do them.' ethan rolls his eyes at harry, and really, if harry hadn't been angry already that'd do it._ _

__'those are louis lines.' harry states, firmly. 'if he's having an off day they can wait until tomorrow. its not a big deal.'_ _

__'it's too much for him.'_ _

__'you have no idea what you're talking about!' harry has the insane desire to punch ethan in the face. 'i let you do this on the last album, you took his verses and you're not going it again. he'll do the recording tomorrow. he's exhausted and it's late and no one else is singing it.'_ _

__'if you won't do it, i'll get zayn and liam.'_ _

__'they won't do it either.' harry says, defiantly. 'no one else is taking louis' parts.'_ _

__ethan throws his hands up in the air._ _

__'fine. but if he gets here tomorrow and can't do it someone else _has_ to.' ethan says. ' _absolutely must_.'_ _

__'okay.' harry agrees. 'yeah.'_ _

__he turns and leaves the room, and the others are already getting their things together._ _

__'where is he?' harry asks._ _

__'grabbed his phone and left for the car already.' niall offers._ _

__harry sighs, gabs his things, and follows him out. he knows if louis has his phone already, he's probably on twitter. and it's not like louis gets on twitter to look for the trolls, but they all sort of do it. if they've had a bad day or if they hear someone say something. it's not like any of them _want_ to torture themselves. but harry knows how, when you're feeling really bad about yourself, there are always people online who are willing to confirm how much you suck. _ _

__and that sucks because louis doesn't actually suck at all. his voice is so pretty and sweet and just the right tone, and harry loves it. but louis hates it, and he's always ben full of self-doubt._ _

__louis is in the front seat when harry gets to the car. he's got his headphones on and his hood pull dup so he doesn't need to look at anyone. harry wants to talk to him, but there are screaming girls everywhere and paul shoves him into the very back and that's it._ _

__harry pulls out his phone and gets on twitter, searching for louis' name. sometimes if he can find the tweets that louis is going to read, he can circumvent the problem, text him sweet defenses of whatever he's panicking about._ _

__but harry gets distracted when the others pile in the car, and they're not really talking, but liam's beside him and he wraps an arm around harry's shoulder and yeah, harry needs just a bit of comfort before he goes to face this because he can already tell that it's going to be a bad one._ _

__by the time they get home, the others run off to their own flats and harry drags his feet as he follows louis._ _

__when they get inside, louis doesn't storm off, doesn't run to the guest room or lock himself in the bathroom or anything like that. he just takes off his coat and hangs it in the closet, leaves his shoes on the mat without harry reminding him, and settles onto the sofa in the living room. he doesn't turn on the tv or music or even the lights, and for once harry's not exactly sure what to do._ _

__so he makes some tea, stands in the kitchen until it's ready, then takes it in and places it on the coffee table._ _

__harry doesn't sit on the sofa, instead settling into an armchair, and he doesn't speak because he knows better._ _

__they're both silent for quite a while, lpouis doesn't touch his tea, just stares at the blank space above the television._ _

__louis is the first to finally speak, voice low and gravelly and so fucking sad._ _

__'did you finish the song?'_ _

__'no, you'll finish it when we get in tomorrow.'_ _

__louis snorts an angry laugh. 'i can't do it.'_ _

__and harry can everything in those four little words. all the self doubt that lives under louis' skin and in his heart, and that's worse than anything else because harry has so _much_ faith in louis, and louis has so _little_ faith in himself. _ _

__'lou…'_ _

__'no, harry. it should have been you part all along.'_ _

__louis won't look at harry, instead turns towards the window, and harry hates the way he's so closed off because it's one of the few things that louis does that really hurt harry. the way he can't seem to trust him witht hints like this._ _

__'I'm not singing it, lou. it's your verse. we picked it especially for you.' harry says, softly._ _

__'i shouldn't even be in the band. you could find someone else who looks and sounds better and fits with the rest of you and i should just go back to donny and live with my mum.'_ _

__and that's it really, isn't it? louis' always had this intense amount of self-doubt hat even harry hasn't been able to break._ _

__harry moves then, from the armchair to the couch, and wraps himself around louis._ _

__''even if you quit the band and we found someone better, i wouldn't let you go back to donny, you numpty.' sometimes the best approach with louis is to tease him. 'and also, you'd still have all your money. you could at least buy a house here.'_ _

__'piss off.' louis mutters, but harry can hear as he tries to hide his smile._ _

__'or i could pay for you to travel with me, be my own personal groupie? could finally say i've been with a fan.'_ _

__louis giggles at that, but stops almost as soon as he's started and schools his face back into a frown._ _

__'you can't fix everything, harold.' louis says. 'we all know i'm the weak link.'_ _

__'you aren't.' harry says, vehemently. 'if there was a weak link, they'd have picked someone else to be in the band, lou, you know that. they picked us for a reason.'_ _

__louis shakes his head._ _

__'everybody knows it.' he whispers. 'i'm not as good as the rest of you. and even though niall not as vocally strong, he can play guitar, and that makes up for it. i'm just useless.'_ _

__'oh, lou, you're anything but useless.' harry murmurs into the back of his neck. 'you're so far from useless it's painful that you'd even think that.'_ _

__'but on twitter -'_ _

__'lou, that's twitter. and who cares what those people think? are they more important that liam and zayn and niall? are they more important than _me_?'_ _

__'no, but - '_ _

__'no buts, lou.' harry kisses just under his ear. 'if you want to run the lines tonight, i'll help you, but otherwise, let's just order some takeaway and snuggle, yeah?'_ _

__louis just sighs._ _

__'louis?'_ _

__'hmm?'_ _

__'do you know how amazing you are?'_ _

__louis shrugs._ _

__'i can't make you see it.' harry murmurs. 'but i'm going to spend the rest of my life trying to make you see yourself the way i see you, you know.' it's a promise of everything and forever all in one, and that finally makes louis smile._ _

__'yeah?' he asks, quietly._ _

__'yeah.' harry agrees as louis turns to tuck himself onto harry's lap._ _

__they stay that way for a while, snuggled together._ _

__when they get to the studio the next morning, louis hits it on the first take, and harry smiles at him so brightly it makes his cheeks ache._ _

__[4]_ _

__harry's been spending a lot of time with ed because ed writes the kind of music that harry wishes he could write. they lie around ed's flat, and sometimes harry bakes and ed plays guitar and it's relaxing because there's no pressure._ _

__harry's baking banana nut muffins when the melody pops into his head, a sweet little thing that worms itself in and stays there._ _

__it's not until almost a week later, when ed's plucking silly little rhythms on the guitar and harry's making blueberry crumble that harry realizes they match._ _

__'play that again, yeah?' harry calls over his shoulder. 'just repeat it, will you?'_ _

__ed agrees and starts playing, and harry starts humming along. he makes a few adjustments to the line in his head, and ed changes the rhythms he's playing a bit, and just as harry's finishing the crumble the song fits perfectly together, and harry can feel it in his bones. it's like - the coolest thing ever, the first time he's really put his melody with any accompaniment, and it's just incredible._ _

__' 's good.' ed says, from his spot on the floor. 'does it have words yet?'_ _

__harry just shakes his head._ _

__'is it about anything specifically?'_ _

__and harry has to think about that. it's soft and comforting, and peaceful, and yeah it is - it's about louis._ _

__harry blushes just as ed looks up at him._ _

__'louis?' ed asks, and harry just nods._ _

__'but no words yet?'_ _

__'nope.'_ _

__'what's going on with him?' ed is really good at pulling things out of harry and helping turn them into music._ _

__'he's just been kind of down lately.' harry admits. 'twitter really gets to him, sometimes, and i just wish he could see in himself what i see in him.'_ _

__ed rolls his eyes fondly. 'you sound a bit like a girl.'_ _

__'yeah.' harry agrees. 'i know. love him, though.'_ _

__'think about it tonight, yeah?' ed offers. 'and we'll work on words tomorrow.'_ _

__and yeah, that's amazing because harry wants to write a song about everything that is so innately louis that his heart might explode at the chance._ _

__he gets home late that night, and louis s waiting for him, feet propped up on the coffee table, reading a book._ _

__'hey, boo-bear.' harry calls from the hall._ _

__'hey, haz.' louis' voice is slow and sleepy, and harry's knows he's been waiting for him to get home._ _

__'ready for bed?' harry offers, and louis just nods, tossing down the book and reaching for harry._ _

__harry pulls him up and into a tight hug, and louis just lets him, tucking his head under harry's jaw and relaxing against the taller boy's body._ _

__'have fun with liam?'_ _

__'mhmm. we did sensible things like buy new socks and pants for tour.' louis sighs. 'got you a new toothbrush and some of that shampoo you like.'_ _

__'you sound like an old man.' harry laughs sweetly into louis' hair._ _

__'it's captain sensible's fault.' louis argues. 'made me buy enough pants that i won't have to wash them for weeks.'_ _

__'you don't wash them anyway.' harry offers. 'i do.'_ _

__'i got you some pants, too.'_ _

__'the pretty ones?'_ _

__'pink and lacy and frilly.' louis laughs._ _

__harry frowns and pushes him away._ _

__'pink?'_ _

__'no, you numpty. those black ones you like, and some grey, and a couple of other colors. but no pink.'_ _

__'alright then.' he pulls louis back to his chest. 'tea?'_ _

__'please.' louis agrees._ _

__'alright, you go settle in, and i'll be there in a bit.' he kisses the top of louis' head, before pushing him gently down the hallway._ _

__harry makes louis' tea and is in their room in less than ten minutes._ _

__louis' already under the covers, flipping though his phone and takes the tea happily. he drinks it fast, harry's never understood that, but it's louis' way late at night._ _

__'have fun with ed?' louis asks._ _

__'i think i'm writing a song.' harry replies._ _

__louis' eyebrows shoot up. 'ed's letting you?'_ _

__'ed's helping me.'_ _

__'can i hear it?'_ _

__' 's not finished.'_ _

__'can i hear what you've got?'_ _

__harry shakes his head._ _

__'but when it is finished, you'll be the first to hear it, yeah?'_ _

__louis nods in agreement. 'maybe we can get it on the new album.'_ _

__'maybe we can.' harry leans over and kisses louis once, and the flips out his light. they slide down and harry curls around louis' back until the older boy falls asleep._ _

__this is harry's favorite part of the night._ _

__he waits just a bit, and it starts._ _

__louis makes little snuffling noises, wiggling a bit on the bed. harry runs a soothing hand over his tummy and louis stills, but he doesn't quiet._ _

__it only happens when he first falls asleep, in the earliest stage of the sleep cycle, and he can still be soothed by harry._ _

__the noises get a bit more definite, and sometimes harry can make out words._ _

__'harry… pants… elephant…where's my hat… i lost my shoe.'_ _

__they get strange, sometimes, and they never fail to make harry giggle._ _

__'the flowers ate niall's hair and …. zayn wouldn't give it back.'_ _

__harry muffles his laughter against louis' shoulder._ _

__'fizzy ate the moldy socks, mum, i told her not too.'_ _

__harry has to clamp his hand over his mouth for that one, and louis quiets for a moment, and harry supposes that might be it for the night._ _

__'harry?' louis asks, and harry's suddenly afraid he's woken him up. 'harry's the best thing that's ever happened to me. he's the love of my life.'_ _

__harry's heart really does explode at that in his chest and he's so happy when he hears it he cries a little bit._ _

__he's never told louis that his happens, sometimes, that louis says things that make harry giggle uncontrollably. sometimes he says things that make harry sad, about his self-doubt and his fears that he's not good enough. one time he even talked about how he thought harry didn't really love him. but then there are times like tonight when louis' let's out a gem, and harry couldn't possibly love him more._ _

__so he snuggles in tighter to louis, and let's himself fall asleep._ _

__when they wake up the next morning, harry doesn't say anything. but he can't stop smiling uncontrollably at louis. it's not like they've never said it before, but to hear louis say it like that - so unguarded and passionate, and he wasn't even conscious - that's a new feeling entirely._ _

__and harry's suddenly got his song all figured out._ _

__[5]_ _

__'ed?' harry calls, banging on the door of ed's flat. it's early, two days after louis' midnight confession, and harry wants to finish this song so badly that he's shown up when ed'll probably still be asleep and hungover and all around grouchy, but it doesn't matter. not like finishing this does._ _

__he bangs on the door again, and is finally relieved to hear shuffling feet and soft grumbles._ _

__'harry?' ed swings the door open and looks at him with sleepy eyes. 'what're you doing here?'_ _

__'i've gotta finish the song, ed, i've almost got it.' he pushes ed aside, doesn't wait for an invitation, and makes his way to the living room._ _

__he folds his legs underneath himself at the coffee table and spreads out the pages of words he's been playing around with._ _

__'harry i can't do this right now.' ed says from the doorway._ _

__'but i've only got a couple hours.' harry replies. 'we're starting recording late today because liam's at the doctor. we have to do this _now_.'_ _

__that's when harry hears the soft voice from ed's bedroom and his jaw drops._ _

__'oh.' harry mutters and shuffles the papers back together. 'i see.'_ _

__'yeah, mate, sorry. i mean - ' ed's blushing now, face almost as bright as his hair. 'if this is all the time you've got….'_ _

__'it is.' harry pulls out the puppy dog eyes._ _

__'alright, i'll be right back.'_ _

__ed shuffles back into the bedroom and harry can hear murmured voices. he vaguely recognizes the voice of the girl, but can't quite figure out who it is. he's considering it when ed reappears._ _

__'alright.' he grabs his guitar and sits across from harry, leaning against the couch. 'what've you got.'_ _

__'just little snippets mostly. ideas.'_ _

__'can i look?'_ _

__harry nods and shoves the papers towards ed, who scans them quickly._ _

__'i like this bit here about the tea. that's good.'_ _

__'yeah?'_ _

__'mhmm. might be too much to start with, though. this is better.' he points to a line about freckles. 'and does it match up with that melody we were working on alright?'_ _

__'yeah, wanna hear?'_ _

__ed starts playing then, and harry sings softly. they stop and adjust the words several times, moving them around and playing with the verses._ _

__'you need a bridge, mate.' ed says. 'have you got anything?'_ _

__harry shakes his head._ _

__'if you could tell him anything, what would it be?'_ _

__and harry has to think about that because he'd tell louis a million things. maybe a billion._ _

__'i'd tell him that i love him and that i wish he'd see himself the way i see him.'_ _

__'mmm, that's good.' ed pauses and turns the words over in his head. 'can i?'_ _

__'of course.' harry replies._ _

__ed plays through some notes and hums a bit before harry hears something he really likes._ _

__'oi, that part.' harry says. 'i like that, yeah?'_ _

__'me, too.' ed takes a sep breath and plays it again, singing the words this time._ _

__and harry's heart melts through the floor._ _

__'that's so it.' harry murmurs. 'that's perfect.'_ _

__'yeah? let's do the whole thing?'_ _

__harry nods and they run through the song once, twice._ _

__'can you - what are you doing today?'_ _

__'has, i've still got a girl in my bedroom.'_ _

__'but we're almost done recording, and i'd like - i want them to hear it. it would be perfect for the album, yeah?'_ _

__ed mulls it over in his mind for a moment._ _

__'suppose i could do that… she's got interviews today, i think.'_ _

__'is she famous?' harry asks, curious now._ _

__'a bit, i suppose.'_ _

__'i can't believe you're shacking up with a girl and didn't tell me!'_ _

__'go wait in the car. i'll be out in a moment.'_ _

__harry laughs, but does as he's told. he's scrolling through twitter messages on his phone, in the driver's seat, when a town car pulls up behind him and waits._ _

__he's not really paying attention, and it startles him when ed swings the door open. harry turns to look at the waiting car and sees a headful of blonde curls climbing in, and he doesn't catch her face but he _knows _.___ _

____'was that?' harry asks, dumbfounded._ _ _ _

____'taylor, yeah. we've been…writing together.' ed sighs, smiling dreamily._ _ _ _

____'oh is that what they call it these days?' harry shoves his shoulder as he pulls onto the road._ _ _ _

____by the time they get to the studio, everyone else is there and waiting. they're all surprised to see ed, but not unhappy, and niall jumps up to hug him as louis sort of throws himself at harry._ _ _ _

____'what are you doing here, mate?' niall asks._ _ _ _

____'has wrote a song.' ed replies, happily. 'wanted you all to hear it.'_ _ _ _

____louis smiles at harry, and presses a kiss against the side of his head._ _ _ _

____harry feels awkward, now that everyone is watching them, and he shuffles his feet a bit awkwardly._ _ _ _

____'harry, you alright?' liam asks._ _ _ _

____'yeah, just - don't laugh, okay?' harry can feel the blush creeping up his cheeks._ _ _ _

____'you know we wouldn't.' liam smiles, encouragingly, and ed starts playing._ _ _ _

____harry misses the first entrance and turn to ed to apologize._ _ _ _

____'it's alight, mate.' ed smiled. 'deep breath, we'll start again.'_ _ _ _

____harry nods and ed plays, and when harry starts singing it's soft and shaky and he's twisting his fingers in his hands._ _ _ _

____but then he looks up and the others are all smiling except louis who is _beaming_ , so he sings a bit louder, lets his confidence take over. _ _ _ _

____they're all slant when he's finished, but then louis is throwing himself at harry, pressing himself up as tightly as he can, hand clawing at his back as if louis actually wanted to climb inside harry's skin._ _ _ _

____'you did good, haz.' zayn called. 'can we record that?'_ _ _ _

____and harry nods, can't control his pride and he's ecstatic, feeling a million things, but nothing like he feels for louis._ _ _ _

____he turns his attention back to lou and doesn't notice as liam herds the others out to give them a moment along,_ _ _ _

____'lou?' harry ask, softly, as louis tries to nuzzle closer. 'you okay?'_ _ _ _

____louis doesn't answer, just holds harry tighter._ _ _ _

____'louis?'_ _ _ _

____there's a soft sniffle, and harry realizes that louis is actually _crying_ , and he's so overwhelmed. he pulls louis away a bit, and louis whimpers, but harry has to look at his face to know what's going on. _ _ _ _

____'louis?' harry asks for a third time._ _ _ _

____'you're amazing.' louis sniffs. 'that was beautiful.'_ _ _ _

____'i love you, boo.' harry smiles because for once louis' crying because he's _happy_ and that's better than anything else. _ _ _ _

____'i love you so much, haz.' tears stream down louis' cheeks. 'you're - you're so much more than i've ever deserved and i can't believe how lucky i am to have you.'_ _ _ _

____'you liked it?'_ _ _ _

____'i loved it. i love you.' louis tucks himself back against harry's chest._ _ _ _

____'i love you more, boo bear. i just - i want you to know how amazing you are, yeah?'_ _ _ _

____louis just shrugs, nuzzles closer._ _ _ _

____'and if i have to sing it to you every single day for the rest of our lives, it won't be enough.' harry kisses the top of his head. 'i'll never be able to tell you enough because you're the incredible.'_ _ _ _

____louis' sniffling louder, and harry stops talking then, holds his boyfriend tight and comforting._ _ _ _

____it's won't always be easy. louis won't always remember how beautiful and talented and marvelous he is, harry knows that._ _ _ _

____but harry will always, always be there to tell him._ _ _ _

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this (!) there's a nifty comment button below!


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